Plans to relaunch Egypt


Relaunching Egypt would remove the great pyramids off any new Egypt postcards

Anonymous sources confirmed on Wednesday that Prime Minister Hazem Al-Beblawi’s cabinet is taking positive steps to “relaunch” Egypt within the international arena.

The relaunch, expected to be carried out by February 2014, would see Egypt granted a new name and identity.

Mohsen Al-Shamy, a marketing analyst, praised the cabinet’s decision. “In marketing, if your product is not selling, you have to give it a makeover. A relaunch is always recommended. I can’t think of a product in more desperate need of being relaunched than Egypt.”

Al-Shamy explained that when a product’s name acquires a negative connotation with the consumer, a good marketer’s damage-control plan would entail giving the product a new name, and if possible, relaunching it.

He gave the example of the popular smartphone BlackBerry’s producing company, Research In Motion (RIM), which changed its name to BlackBerry after the smartphone started loosing its market share.

“Relaunching Egypt could be the best thing that happened to this country since its establishment,” said Ahmed Haytham, researcher at Al-Ahram Centre for Political and Strategic Studies. “It will have a positive effect on Egypt’s international image, and it will definitely boost its failing economy.”

Haytham elaborated that when Egypt is presented to the international community in a new form, the world would be more likely to accept it the way it is without questioning the history behind the changes which lately took over it.

“Take the debatable topic of whether or not a coup took place in Egypt, for example,” Haytham said. “That debate would no longer exist after the relaunch, as Egypt, in its new form, would be a military-led country since its introduction to the world. No questions regarding how the military came to power would be raised.”

The Tour Guides’ Syndicate released a statement Wednesday morning saying it welcomes the unconfirmed plans of the relaunch. The syndicate said a relaunch would have a brilliant effect on the tourism sector.

“Potential tourists’ ideas about Egypt need to be reset,” the statement read. “Should the relaunch take effect, tourists would flock to Egypt, or whatever its name will be, not only to check out the newly launched country but also because any negative ideas they had regarding the country will be wiped off with the existence of the country in its old form.”

Reviving the tourism sector is not the only reason for the expected spike in economy Egypt should witness with the relaunch. Economic expert Hossam Abdel Fatah stated that investors would be keen on putting their money in a newly launched country full of prospects for a better future.

The name of Egypt, after its relaunch, is yet to be announced. Primary reports suggest it will be known as the Arab Mahrousa (Arabic for protected) Republic.

“The name itself isn’t very important,” Al-Shamy said, “as long as Egypt gets a new name, the relaunch should work just fine.”

Al-Shamy nevertheless added that it’s crucial to change Egypt’s identity as well. “Mentioning the pyramids should no longer be affiliated with referring to Egypt. I suggest using the Cairo Tower instead; it’s modern, chic, and was built by former President Gamal Abdel Nasser to spy on citizens. It obviously holds the real Egypt’s true identity deep within.”

Egypt’s historical existence is estimated to be between 5000 to 7000 years old. It’s just about the only country in the world whose name has not changed since its earliest appearance in history.


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